I have often heard people saying certain quotations about life or say they live a full life. But how many really do? I think the percentage of people is really REALLY low, because they might be saying all that to make themselves not feel guilty about how they feel they live or have lived a limited life.
I was one of those very people. Basically what I have done throughout the years is live a limited life too. Not that I was forced to live one or restrained from doing stuff but I had always been given a certain image which I thought was never meant to be spoiled. Though it did help me keeping a lot of negative energy out of my life but it forced me to live a limited life.
Why? Basically because I was scared. I was not scared of doing certain things but I was afraid of what people might think. I was not scared of the dark but what was really in it. I didn’t speak my mind much, not that I was afraid of the people around me but because of the judging, rejection or redicule.
I didn’t do alot of things because of the million reasons that went along with them. Now, I just feel that the time to do certain things have just passed. That means I missed out on things which I would have had cherished and talked about with my friends.
I never really understood why did I always feel the need to please people. Did it effect anything? Yes people thanked me for helping them out. But what after that? Back-biting! But what did I do? Nothing. One that I feared loosing them and thus I never stood up for myself. Subconsciously I started resenting myself for not doing what I was supposed to do.
I had always told my friends I am different than what I am with them. And they had always asked me to open up. But the same fear never really permitted me to do so. The reason? None! Just some lame excuses to keep them off my tail. Again, pushing myself to live a limited life.
But one day around the turn of the decade I was talkin about new year resolutions with a friend and what he replied changed me. He said “I dont believe in new year resolutions cos resolutions are mostly about not doing something that you did last year or something you didn’t. I dont have any regrets. I don’t live a limited life. So there’s nothing I dont want to do…”
That was one of those times in life when someone unknowingly says something in such simple words and those words are all that I need to hear. The words that are enough to spark the smallest of light within me. A flicker of hope. Words, despite of being so simple become an inspiration, a reason to bring out a needed change in me. A positive change. A change for the better.
I wont say that I’m a new person now cos it was not like some fairy godmother waved a wand *bibidi bobidi boo* but it wasn’t anything less than that. I am certainly different. Cos now I’m not afraid anymore. I’m not being sucked into the quicksand of my fears. I’m not suffocating. I’m breathing. I’m free. Flying like a pheonix that rose from its ashes! I’m alive!
(thanks S)
